September 19, 2020
Sometimes new energy can create a sense of impatience with wherever we are right now. If we are inclined to judge ourselves, we might interpret this feeling as us not being fast enough, good enough, or focused enough to do and get what we want or need.
There is nothing wrong with you.
We are currently immersed in an energy of juxtaposition, where parts of the self are keen on slowing down, and other parts are feeling charged and energized almost to the point of overwhelm. Our awareness of the changing weather; the dark parts of the day expanding; the new season upon us; new difficult decisions needing to be made against a backdrop of uncertainty; the inexplicable events of our world piling up with lightening speed, yet inside a gooey, stretched out experience of time—all this can create a need to “pack everything away properly” in order to feel at ease. But there’s no packing away what is coming up right now.
There’s too much in the way of seeing clearly, and yet we may feel an urgency to act anyway.
The impulse to clear the way for slowing down, to make room for a deeper understanding of what is happening around and inside us is met with a million little arrows of desire shooting every which way.
It’s a mixed bag of feelings right now—shifting quickly from excitement to outrage to grief to sadness to the exquisite sensation of coolness against your skin. A run of associations and desires, then a quiet peacefulness, and a surprising capacity to register the most minute physical comforts and tastes.
Keep close to your heart the understanding that fear can take hold inside this quick moving energy that is anything but grounded.
The more that you can ground yourself, the more you give yourself permission to feel stuck in the middle of something that can’t seem to finish, the more you allow yourself to ride the waves of quick shifting desires without the need to analyze, control, or act, then the more you can draw from the current energy without getting subsumed by it.
There is strength to be gathered by so much happening all at once inside, if we don’t let the discomfort of not feeling in control make us fear it.
No need to follow every thought or whim. Many are meant to rise up and out, as in all transition times. Go for walks if you can. Keep to your meditation practice, or however stillness finds you best—it’s your best friend right now. Balance yang exercise with yin—you’ll feel an urge for both. When trying to decide what to act on, which projects or obligations or needs to meet, it can help to close your eyes, ask yourself: What rises to the top? What truly needs doing right now? Often it’s less than we think. We hold ourselves responsible for so much that isn’t ours to carry or fix. Everything will demand something of you if you allow it. Or if you treat the current feeling of scattered energy as if it’s your job to keep track of all the pieces and make them whole for everyone.
This is a time for observing and allowing. Let the work of this energy do its thing. If you try to control and keep up, what is trying to be released can’t be released.
Instead, remember that you are not your processes. You are more than all the pieces rising to the surface. You don’t need to know them, act on them, or catalogue them. Get in touch with the deep, solid place inside and watch the pieces move up and out of you.
You are safe in this moment. More solid, focused energy is coming.